Half Way There!!

Ok, so today was my 3rd in a total of 6 treatments. Lori and I arrived at 8:45 and they called me back at 9:10. So, we got started a little late and ran until 3:00. Long day but can't complain. Once every 21 days isn't' so bad. By the end of the week I'll be feeling pretty crappy, but again, can't complain. Could be worse. We spent the time reading more trashy magazines and eating trashy food, TastyKakes included! There was a woman there today we met on our first time who's leukemia came back and she goes every day. I think she said she has something like 12 more treatment to go, 12 out of 62. Yuck! She's up for a stem cell transplant which should cure her, God willing.

I've been hearing from a lot of people regarding this little blog of mine. It seems that it's being passed around our small town by leaps and bounds. I got a card from a former preschool mom of mine today wishing me well and also mentioned she was passed the blog. So, thanks Paige for the card and the kind words. Tell Sally and Jessie Ms. Lisa, the Queen of Love and Beauty, sends her love! I'm so glad people are reading about my journey. I guess it's keeping people out of the pool halls, and it's better that getting poked in the eye with a stick. So, keep reading, guys. I probably won't post for a few days unless the spirit moves me. Again, I love you all. You are my strength and inspiration. Keep the faith and be well.

I've added a few pictures, but couldn't figure out how to add them directly below this post, so to see them you'll have to scroll down to the bottom.

Half Way Eve

Got up this morning at 6:30 to start the day. Had an appointment with my Dr. Moskowitz who did my mastectomy. I call him my Dr. Moskowitz because I'm his only patient. At least that's how he makes me feel. He comes into the exam room and sits and chills for a while. I told him my story about the ER and the nine needle sticks and he just kinda sat and listened with a funny grin. So, not sure if he's thinking, "Why did they hurt my only patient like that?", or "Suck it up, Medlin! Put your big girl panties on and deal with it!!" Probably the latter!

Did you ever have a doctor who came in the exam room, said a few uh uh's and left? Kinda makes you feel like he's in it for the money and not the patient. Not me. I have the three best doctors I could ask for. My Dr. Moskowitz did my mastectomy and my chemo port, Dr. Timmons is working on building me a new boob, and Dr. Ayrons is my oncologist who I yelled at when I was sick, and he still cares!! Couldn't get any better than that. I also found out today that my Dr. Moskowitz had a great deal to do with Dr. Timmons going to Bolivia to operate on poor children. I don't know if he'd want me to say exactly what he did, but he was very involved in the trip. So, not only do I have doctors who care about me and my health, but they also care about making the world a better, healthier place in which to live. So, hats off (or should I say Boobs off??) to my three doctors. Thank you for what you do and why you do it.

Well, tonight is the eve of my half way point for my chemo. Tomorrow Lori and I will go at 8:45 and hopefully be finished by lunchtime. After tomorrow, 3 more to go! Felt pretty good this morning but then had a vertigo attack while in Timmon's office and it kind of knocked me out this afternoon. So, hopefully will feel better tomorrow. Michael should be coming home this week on Thursday to help me with the boys. Hopefully nothing will come up at work to prevent that.

We'll be taking more pictures tomorrow so look for me without hair. I actually still have stubble on the head and do ya know I think it stopped falling out! Of course. I shave the head, and the hair stops falling out! If I hadn't shaved it, it would fall out till I was bald. But noooooooo, shave, stay. I've even tried pulling it out. Nope. Stay. Still have leg hair and I don't wear my glasses in the shower so I can't see the pit hair, but I shave it anyway! So, pray for the eye brows and eye lashes which I still have. Don't know if they'll hang around or not. I know there are some sickos who are wondering about the other hair. Well, you'll just have to wonder. Perverts. Ok, gotta go, dinner dishes are calling. Have a great night and be well my friends.

Me, Stubborn???

Ok, ok, so Wednesday night I started running a fever and it got up to 102. I'm supposed to call the doctor if it reaches 100.5 or above. So, I took 2 Motrin and went back to sleep. No, I didn't call the doctor. Yesterday, the fever came back around dinner time, so, yes, this time I called. So, I've been yelled at by the nurse on the phone last night, (she didn't really yell), I've been yelled at by Lori, (she yelled), been yelled at by mom and been yelled at by husband. OK OK OK, I'll call everytime. Do you know how hard it is for someone like me, (stubborn and independent) to call and admit weakness??????? Never mind having to call people to ask for help with the boys. With Michael in Raleigh, it's hard sometimes to work things out. If I have to go to the ER at 3:00 am, what do I do with the boys?? So, for everyone who volunteered to take the boys yesterday and the 2 who actually did, Lori and Kim, thank you so much. Oh by the way, Kim yelled at me too for not wanting to ask her if Mikey could stay with her last night. So, short post today, but all in all I'm feeling better. Just an infection so cutie pie Lance gave me antibiotics and the ok to not call tonight if the fever comes back! I'll be at Relay for Life tonight. Hope to see some of you there!

Does It Matter?

46 years old today. It doesn't seem possible. Do you ever look back on your life and wonder if you've made a difference to anyone? When I was preschool director, one of my preschool moms gave me a framed poem that reads, "One hundred years from now it won't matter what car I drove, what kind of house I lived in, how much I had in my bank account, nor what my clothes looked like: but the world may be a better place because I was important in the life of a child." Every time I read this poem I tear up. Does it really matter what we do with our lives? I stopped by my old preschool yesterday and so many of the children I had have moved on to elementary school, but there are still some who are there who remembered me. To hear "Hey, Ms. Lisa!!!" echoing through the hallways of the church has so touched me. To run into some of my preschoolers who are older now and hear them say, "Ms. Lisa, you are still the Queen of Love and Beauty!" (this is what I made them call me if they wanted seconds on snack!!) warms my heart. Yes, I believe it certainly does matter what we do with our lives. Life is not a spectator sport. Get out there and participate. Make this world a better place for your children and their children. Do it because it's the right thing to do. Listen people, life is short. Make the most of it you can before you can't anymore. Change a life today, tomorrow may be too late. Remember, the last thing you say to someone just may be the last thing you say to them so make sure it's something they want to hear.

I know this post is different from all the others but sometimes you just feel the way you feel. Today was a good day. I was able to get out of bed, have lunch with my bff and tell my children I love them. Tuesday the 27th will be my 1/2 way point. After that, 3 more bad treatments and I'm finished witht the bad chemo so hurray for that. Thank you all for the kind words and prayers. Tomorrow is sauce day so I'll be at the stove for 6 hours making my world famous spaghetti sauce, meatballs included! Love you all!

Let's bedazzle!

On the way home from picking the boys up at school today I heard a great idea. By the way, 5th grade boys really smell bad after a hard day at school. Anyway, I was listening to Matt and Ramona on our local radio station and Ramona mentioned an article she read about a man who decided he would start decorating his bald head. Well, it came to me. When my hair is completely gone, I'll be sportin' a big old blue Cowboys star right on the back! I'll get some Cowboy blue rhinestones, some bald head glue (somebody's gotta make it) and have Lori, although she's not a Cowboys fan, go to work. The possibilities are endless. For Valentine's day, a heart, for St. Patty's day, a shamrock, for Halloween a jack-o-lantern. Holy cow, I could go into business and make millions! I can see the headlines now, "Nutty bald chick will decorate your shiny nut!" Ok, maybe the word nut is the wrong word. Might get some perverts out for a little fun. The best part about it is the embarrassment it would cause my children. Revenge, finally. After all the times I've wanted to crawl under a rock (not that many, I've got good kids) I'll finally get my revenge. Hah! I could even add feathers to the rhinestones to really embarrass them. I know, I could print out a picture of them, glue that to the back of my head and wear it to their next awards ceremony! Oh my God, someone help me. I'm losing it.

Feeling pretty good today. Still a little tired but I guess that will be my life for the next 10 weeks. June 29 should be my last treatment, not including the year of Herceptin I'll be taking. I can't wait to get this over with, but it could be worse. Stuck my hand in the pocket of a pair of jeans I pulled out of the dryer this morning and, yep, Mikey left a big wad of gum in there. Thanks babe. So, we're off to celebrate good report cards tonight at Gondola. So so Italian food but they picked it that's where we're going. Have a great spring afternoon!

I used to be a man.

Not really but it caught your attention, didn't it? So a friend of mine stopped by today to bring me a hat her mother-in-law made for me. It's a hat made especially for women with alopecia or women who've lost their hair due to chemo. I just love it, thanks Juli. Juli was a preschool mom of mine when I was the director at Resurrection Lutheran School here in town. I had both her boys in school and over the years have run into them in town here and there. So, she's not someone with whom I socialize or see on a regular basis. The point I'm trying to make is Juli and I don't see a lot of each other but here I am going through chemo and having a bit of a struggle and Juli calls me out of the blue to bring me a gift. She thought of me. She made it a point to get me a hat and bring it to my house. She's a busy chick, not someone who has time to sit around the house and eat bon bons (at least I don't think she does). So, thank you for taking time out of your day for me. Oh, by the way, she got to see the boob in process today. She was quite impressed with my doctor's handy work. I'm amazed every day by the people who are so busy dealing with every day stuff in their own lives who have time to stop and get a pizza for my kids, or come by to pick them up for church, or neighbors who let them tag along to the ballpark, people who offer to pick up the kids from school or just come by and take them for an afternoon if I need it. You know who you are. Thanks.

I had an interesting conversation with another friend yesterday who told me she enjoyed reading my blog. She made the suggestion that I do a little more with it, perhaps even write for the local newspaper. Well, that thought certainly never crossed my mind. I started this as a way to maybe bring a little humor to something that is not at all funny. I thought maybe if there is someone out there who is struggling with not just cancer but anything, can read this and giggle a little, then I've done my job. My goal here is to lighten what can sometimes be a very heavy life. Take a load off, sit down, relax and breathe! But, Cliff Ann, you got me thinking. So, I did what I told you I would do. I emailed Ellen DeGeneres. (love her!!) I thanked her for making me laugh as I was recuperating, as I was in chemo funk and mentioned Booby Doo. If she mentions mammograms on her show and one woman gets one, then, again, my job is done.

Not to switch gears, but does anyone have a child who gets obsessed with something and WILL NOT SHUT UP ABOUT IT??? Mikey, my 10 year old, who, by the way, on Saturday told me he wished it was him who was sick and not me (he takes after his mother) is obsessing over this Thrillville game for the Wii. Can I tell ya I'm sick of it, and who let him buy it?? That would be me. Thank God he's healthy enough to aggravate the paint off a car.

Ok, before I leave you, one question. Do you ever pick up the keyboard to your computer and see what's underneath?? We have one computer in the house and it's a desktop, so the kids use it as well. I just found birdseed, a caster for one of the dining room chairs, cheese cracker crumbs, hair (mine when I had it), and a mini skate board. Go figure.

Just do it and get it over with!

So, I've finally come out of my chemo funk. It seems the way it's going to go is chemo on Tues, Wed feeling ok, Thurs kinda tired and by the weekend full blown flu symptoms. But, no throwing up which is such a blessing. Motrin seems to help with the all over body aches and I had no fever this time so yeah for that. Thank you to everyone who has called, brought dinner and sent cards and well wishes. It means so very much!

Thursday afternoon I realized that I had run out of one of my meds, so I called Lori and asked if she'd stop by and pick it up for me at the drug store. She gets to my house that night and I handed her the clippers and said just do it already. I couldn't stand the hair everywhere. It was falling out in such clumps that all that was left on my head, and I had a healthy head of thick hair, would fit in one small dust pan. So, off it came. Lori was a little apprehensive about it, but being who she is, did it for me because I asked her to. I couldn't do it myself. I tried that morning but just couldn't bring myself to shave my own head. So, now I look like a fat Aushwitz survivor (abosulutely no disrespect to anyone who survived the Holocaust, and I've actually known a few). What's left of my hair is about 1/4 long and it's balding in spots so man am I pretty! I wore my wig for the first time to church on Sunday and it felt a little weird, but I'm wearing it for my kids. It's a beautiful wig, but, it's a wig. Nuff said bout that!

I had an appointment with my plastic surgeon, Dr. Timmons this morning and he said I'm almost ready for my final reconstruction surgery. He has pumped 670 cc's of fluid into my tissue expander so he's finished with that part of the process. Another thing checked off my list! Now we have to wait for the chemo to be fininshed (June 29!!) and he'll complete my look! Call my secretary for an appointment to see the new boobs.

My brother, on the other hand has had surgery to repair a leak in his colon. He had the first surgery on 3/30 and they had to go back in to fix what they didn't fix the first time. He's in a lot of pain and pretty miserable so please say a prayer for him. Mom has a spot on her mammogram and she'll find out what that is on the 20th, so please pray for her. Let's see, anybody else in my family want to come down with some ailment????? Oh, Shawn, my brother in law is in the early stages of emphysemia, so please pray for him. Holy cow, enough already!! My kids are healthy and my husband had a clean cat scan, so I'm very grateful for that. I've got an amazing church family along with good neighbors and of course the best friend anyone could have so I consider myself very blessed. Let's all get healthy and family reunion at my house this fall. Everyone's invited. Afterall, you're all my family!! Love you all.

Two down, four to go!

Hello my dear friends. Before I begin, I would like to thank all of you for your continued love and support during this journey of mine. It means so much that so many people send well wishes, prayers and support during this time in my life. My only hope is that I can make a difference in just one life. If I touch more than one, all the better. God is in control and my faith is carrying me through, along with all the support that I've gotten from you good people. How truly blessed am I.
Ok, enough with the mush, yesterday went well. Lori and I sat, ate, laughed, teared up a little and basically just read trashy mags and oh, yea, Lori had her very first TastyKake. Can you imagine reaching her advanced age and never having experienced the euphoria of a TastyKake?? Ok, maybe I'm exaggerating, but holy cow, I grew up on those things. Hard to find 'em here in the south, though. Anyhow, I was a little groggy yesterday from the benedryl they give me in between the three drugs I'm getting so basically just laid around yesterday. Feeling pretty good today. I woke up at 3:00 am and had a hard time getting back to sleep so I'm a little tired but otherwise no nausea or anything yet. Hopefully this time around I feel better than last time.
The hair is still falling out like crazy, I can really tell when I look at my part. It's getting wider by the minute, but not quite ready to take it all off yet. The short haircut is bad enough.
The hickies have finally faded, still slight bruises on my arm from the needle pokes but pretty much all that junk has cleared up. The next issue is that big thing in the middle of my face called a nose. You see, when the hair is finally gone, the nose will look all the bigger. What's a girl to do with a big Hungarian nose and no hair?? I tried to get my plastic surgeon to take care of it when he did the reconstruction, but no luck. I mean I can wear a hat or wig for the baldness but what do you do for a nose like mine?? Well, at least I have a nose, right? Ok my peeps, love you all and I keep you posted. Thanks again for all the support. It means more than I can say.

No, that's not a hickey on my neck!

So, I have these two lovely purple hickey looking things on my neck from the hospital the other night when the doctor had to poke me with his lovely needle the size of a slim jim. Do you know how embarrassing it is to have people look at you and think, "Kinda old for a hickey, aren't you??" "No, they're not hickies! They're from needles, no, no, not drug needles, doctor needles" is what I want to scream at people but then they'd think I was nuts (those of you who know me know I'm already nuts, but strangers don't). So, anyway my hair is falling out like crazy so I had my hair dresser cut it short which I hate. It also needs color but why color it when I'm going to lose it anyway? I have purple track marks in my harm and hand from the hospital as well, one boob that's 45 years old and has breast fed 2 kids, one sorta boob without a nipple that's firm and perky. Boy, lookin' good girl!! Next chemo treatment is Tues so I'll post pictures next week. Maybe if I'm lucky I'll be bald by then and my big purple hickies will have turned a lovely shade of scarlet!
Happy Easter to all, and remember He is Risen Indeed!