Booby Doo, Where Are You?

Just to get sympathy, and to get mom here to do my laundry, I decided to develop neutropenic fever last week and get myself admitted to the hospital for three days. Lots of fun. I woke up last Monday with a low grade fever and it went up by the time I got home after dropping the boys off at school. So, I did what I'm supposed to do, I called the doctor. They immediately called in an antibiotic and gave me an appointment for 1:00. They pumped me full of fluids and by the time I was ready to leave at 4:00, the fever had gone up to 103. Lovely, into the hospital I go. Lori, thank God for her, took care of school pick ups and mom was on the way. Anyway, long story short, (I know, too late for that) after 3 days of fever it finally broke on Wednesday night. I came home Thursday afternoon and, still feeling like something on the bottom of your shoe, layed on the couch the rest of that day. Friday, got up and cleaned bathrooms, vacuumed and did, of course, way too much, so fever went back up by Friday night. Great!! I called the doctor and got yelled at (not really) for doing too much and was told to rest. REST?? I have two bickering boys who live in their own little narcissistic world where the most important thing is can we play Monopoly and what's for dinner???? Really, I have great kids, most of the time. Those of you who know my boys know they're pretty special and those of you who have boys know how maddening they can be! But, they're healthy and smart so who am I to complain??

Anyhow, mom is still here. She'll be leaving this weekend so I figured we'll go to dinner tonight. I'm not going to feel any better later in the week, so might as well go tonight. How blessed am I to have a mother, a 77 year old mother who will drop everything and rush to my side when I need her.

What is it with dogs and grass?? Yesterday Trina came running into the house going from room to room. All of a sudden mom yells, "Lisa, she's leaking!!" Well, I looked at her and she's got grass hanging out of her hynie. What the hell???? "Michael" I screamed, "Pull it out of her, she's rubbing her butt on the rug!!" So, like the dutiful husband he pulls the grass out of his dog's butt. Now, after all this, I've got to shampoo the rug. After all, can't have poopy grass germs on the rug in the living room. With just about all the strength I had, I shampooed that rug within an inch of it's life. I'm not gonna tell ya the color of the water that came out of my shampooer. Icky! So, on a poopy grass germ note, have a great day!

Aim boys, aim!!!

Well, here I am. Slowly coming out of my funk. This time was quite different from the last two. I didn't have the all over body aches and extreme weakness like I had the first two. So, I felt pretty good over the weekend and started feeling crummy yesterday. But, life goes on and we were out of Cheerios. So, off to Walmart I go. Does anybody ever go to Walmart and just get what's on your list?? If you do, liar liar, pants on fire. No one does that!! So, anyway, get home, unpack, eat lunch and off to the couch. My taste buds are numb so everything kinda tastes like cardboard. I could each dog chow and not know the difference. So, I'm on the couch and this strange odor is coming from the boy's bathroom. Well, I'm thinking, who didn't flush this time?? So I put on my body armor (kind of like an astronaut's suit) which is what I do whenever I enter their bathroom and start to look for the source of the odor. To my surprise, the toilet had been flushed! Wow, that's a first. Upon examining the area where the toilet and floor meet, I notice a strange looking yellow substance. PEE. How can a child, or two, hit a basketball goal 200 yards out, blindfolded and behind his back and not hit the blessed toilet???????? What is up with boys who pee everywhere except inside the commode??? I've even cleaned pee of the top of the tank? Whattup with that???? You're not putting out a fire and it's not water you're squirting. It's pee. Come on people, pee. It stinks and it belongs in the toilet. Not on the floor, not on the seat, not on the wall and not on the shower curtain. Stop treating Mr. Happy like he's a toy and aim boys, aim!!! If you have to sit down to go, then so be it. But stop peeing all over the place!!!! So, I've decided the next time I find that strange looking yellow substance anywhere at all, I'll not be the one cleaning it up. Just a warning to those who live in my house or those who visit my house who can pee standing up. Aim, boys, aim.

Anyhow, one of the medicines I'm getting along with the chemo is called Herceptin which is a hormone. So, now, not only do I have no taste buds, no hair, no pretty fingernails, and no left boob, I also have hot flashes. Holy cow, I've heard of these things but never experienced one until now. They start mid abdomen and slowly climb my trunk until I'm so hot you could cook a hamburger on my little stubbly head. How you old women out there deal with these things is a mystery to me. I had to get up in the middle of the night over the weekend and push the air down to 72. And there's Michael, snoring, with 16 blankets on the bed and I'm having a barbecue on the top of my head. Nothin' right about that! Did I mention the eye twitching? After treatment, my left eye twitches for a week or so. How weird is that?? So, no, I'm not winking at you. It's the twitch!

My next surgery to complete my reconstruction is scheduled for July. Yeah!!! I asked Dr. Timmons what is the step after that. He told me I needed to decided whether or not I wanted a nipple on the new boob. Well, how do you do that I asked. What he told me I was not prepared for. He would take skin from the woo woo (you know what I'm talkin' about) and make a nipple. The recuperation time for that surgery would be about 3 weeks. So, from now on you can call me uni-nipple. Uh Uh, aint happin'. A sharp knife is not coming near my woo woo. Plus, I'd have a permanent head light on, all the time! Ok, TMI, I know. But, you chose to read my blog. No one forced you. My life is an open book. Mostly. Have a great day, and aim boys, aim.