Did you realize that earwax has an adhesive property? Really, it does. As we were sitting in church on Sunday, I noticed Mikey, who was seated to my right, had this orange-ish brown-ish funky stuff coming out of his ear. So, being the reverent Lutheran I am, I put my glasses on and jerked his head, by the earlobe, toward me so I could get a better look. All this during the sermon, mind you. Anyway, as I was peering at the funk, Johnathan leaned over and said, "Mom, what's that coming out of Mikey's ear??" "SHHHH", I replied. "No talking during the sermon!" Earwax protruding out of the ear canal is a huge pet peeve of mine. So, this morning, after his shower, I reminded Mikey of the, well, you know, funk. As I was cleaning his ears, I was reminded of what the doctor says about Q-Tips. Bad, bad, bad. Don't put those things in your ears!! WHAT??? How do you get the funk out without digging it out with a Q-Tip???
Anyway, there he was, poor Mikey, standing in his room this morning about 7:00, mom digging in the ears with a Q-Tip, all of this before breakfast. To my left is Mikey's waist basket. So, after cleaning his ears, I toss the brown-ish, orange-ish, chunky Q-Tip toward the waist basket. I missed, and hit the side of the waist basket. Instead of bouncing off and landing on the carpet, it stuck to the side!!!! Yep, that Q-Tip had enough earwax on it to glue those tile things back on the space shuttle. Welcome to my world, people.
So, at preschool this week, we are learning about the letter "J" and jack 0 lanterns. As a craft we are decorating small pumpkins that we've grown on a vine outside using magic pumpkin seeds. (Long story.) Well, we all know there's no such thing as magic pumpkin seeds, but the kids don't know that so I had to come up with small pumpkins. Off to Walmart, where else? I needed to buy 23 mini pumpkins, 17 for my class and 6 for the younger class. There were 2 enormous bins of them in the produce section with a sign reading 58 cents each. Yeah!! Cheap pumpkins! So, I started digging through the bins looking for the biggest ones I could find. Finally, after I loaded 25 (2 extra) little pumpkins into my cart, I push it over to the checkout. I went to the express checkout thinking the cashier would be able to scan one pumpkin and enter 25 quantity. OH NO! The checkout lady looks at me and says, "Those are 58 cents per pound, not 58 cents each." Seriously??? Back to the enormous bins I go, now digging for the smallest pumpkins I can find. The preschool's paying for these things, so I've gotta go cheap!! Have you ever pulled an apple or orange from the bottom? What happens when you do?? Yep, I had a mini pumpkin avalanche. I must've been there for an hour trying to prevent pumpkin spillage all the while trying to save the preschool a few bucks. What I won't do for those precious little angels in my class! Get ready, Ms. Melodie. We're breaking out the glitter tomorrow!!
Thanks for all the continued support. I go back on Thursday for my next treatment. Things are settling down and its seems as though I'm sleeping a little better. Maybe I'm on the way back. Stay well my friends. Remind someone you love to get a mammogram. You may just save a life. And remember, if you run out of superglue, come to my house. We'll clean Mikey's ears.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Thursday, October 21, 2010
A Big Ol' Honkin' Pile of Dog Yakidge
I think the shower in the boy's bathroom is broken. This morning, when Johnathan got out of the shower, I hugged him "Good morning" and it smelled like he hadn't showered in a few days. When Mikey got out and, after getting dressed, he walked by me, it smelled like he hadn't showered in a couple of days. I asked Johnathan if he actually put the shampoo in his hair or just waved his hands over his head, hoping by osmosis that his hair would come in contact with the shampoo. "Of course", he said, "of course I washed my hair". It was as if I asked him if he had breathed today. After sniffing Mikey's head, I asked if any soap or shampoo came within 10 feet of him. Again, "of course, mom" was the obvious reply. Well, not so obvious to me. How can two boys who are both straight A students, smart, happy, healthy, be so stinky?? Trying to get Johnathan to actually wash his scalp is like trying to get a piece of popcorn out from underneath your dentures. (No, I don't have dentures.) It's almost impossible, but, again, healthy and happy boys.
I got up this morning about 6:15 and went into the bathroom to shower, turned on the water and walked into the closet where the hamper is for the dirty laundry. Suddenly, a strange odor began to penetrate my olfactory system, in other words, something stunk. I looked down at the carpet, and, yep, a big ol' honkin' pile of dog yackidge. The suffix idge comes from the Latin word meaning holy crap, what's that?? At preschool, when a child spills his or her juice the word "spillidge" echos throughout the fellowship hall. So, yakidge simply means puke. When we have a really big poop, it's "Clogidge" if the toilet won't flush. So, long story short, (I know, too late) I was steam cleaning the carpet in my closet this afternoon. No, I didn't leave the yakidge there all day, I picked up the huge mound this morning, but didn't have time to steam clean the carpet. After the carpet dries, I'll get down and do the sniff test to make sure it's clean. I know, gross, but who else is going to do it?? Ah, a mother's work is never done.
I'm still trying to figure out what to do with this purpose God has given me. I feel like I need to use this breast cancer for the greater good, but haven't quite figured out what it is I'm to do. So, it's an ongoing process. Maybe I'm just meant to badger women into getting their mammograms, who knows. If that's it, I'll accept it, but I think God gave me this big mouth for a reason. There's nothing worse than a Yankee living in the south with a big mouth and a purpose!!
Well, off to a meeting at church. Be kind to one another. You never know when you'll need someone to clean up some yakidge!
I got up this morning about 6:15 and went into the bathroom to shower, turned on the water and walked into the closet where the hamper is for the dirty laundry. Suddenly, a strange odor began to penetrate my olfactory system, in other words, something stunk. I looked down at the carpet, and, yep, a big ol' honkin' pile of dog yackidge. The suffix idge comes from the Latin word meaning holy crap, what's that?? At preschool, when a child spills his or her juice the word "spillidge" echos throughout the fellowship hall. So, yakidge simply means puke. When we have a really big poop, it's "Clogidge" if the toilet won't flush. So, long story short, (I know, too late) I was steam cleaning the carpet in my closet this afternoon. No, I didn't leave the yakidge there all day, I picked up the huge mound this morning, but didn't have time to steam clean the carpet. After the carpet dries, I'll get down and do the sniff test to make sure it's clean. I know, gross, but who else is going to do it?? Ah, a mother's work is never done.
I'm still trying to figure out what to do with this purpose God has given me. I feel like I need to use this breast cancer for the greater good, but haven't quite figured out what it is I'm to do. So, it's an ongoing process. Maybe I'm just meant to badger women into getting their mammograms, who knows. If that's it, I'll accept it, but I think God gave me this big mouth for a reason. There's nothing worse than a Yankee living in the south with a big mouth and a purpose!!
Well, off to a meeting at church. Be kind to one another. You never know when you'll need someone to clean up some yakidge!
Saturday, October 9, 2010
I Believe the Word You're Looking for is Esophagus.
Here it is, another beautiful fall day in North Carolina. All is well here at the Medlin house. I've decided I'm going to start running up and down the stairs. Maybe that will get my legs back into shape. I'm having such horrible weakness and pain in the muscles that I've got to do something. I guess I'll start slowly and hopefully within a couple of weeks they'll start to feel better. I just don't think I can do anything more strenuous than that. I know, pretty pitiful.
So, this morning Johnathan and Mikey were in the kitchen, supposedly getting something for breakfast, and I was on the computer. Well, all of a sudden, crying. Yep, not even on a beautiful fall morning can we have peace in the house. So, I get up, go into the kitchen and there is Johnathan, in a fetal position on the floor. Well, if you're a guy, you know what that means. Kicked in the bing bongs. That's the technical term for testibles. (No, that's not a typo. When Johnathan was little, he asked me what those balls were moving around "down there". I told him those were his testicles and he pronounced it testibles.) So, I looked at Mikey and, of course, not looking guilty at all, said, "He tried to choke slam me!". So, I looked at Johnathan, who was still in a fetal position, crying on the floor. "He kicked me in the crotch!" he yelled. After which I proclaimed, "There will be no more wrestling in this house!!!!" Here comes dad, yep, Michael, faithful husband and father to the two in the kitchen, one on the floor and the other looking as guilty as the dog who just ransacked the trash can looking for the steak bone. Well, we all know how fathers can be. Clueless most of the time when it comes to disciplining children, at least mine anyway. He tries to explain to Johnathan in his most disciplinary voice why it is not a good idea to try and "choke slam" his brother. What came out of his mouth was not only a gross mispronunciation but so funny that there was no way he had any credibility as a disciplinarian. "Johnathan," he said, "don't do that to your brother! You could damage his esockufus!!" WHAT???? Now, my husband has mispronounced quite a few words in his time, but that one takes the cake. I believe the word you're looking for is esophagus, dear husband. We laughed until we cried. So, for all of you out there who have never taken an anatomy class, it's pronounced esokufus. Holy cow, somebody help me.
So, this morning Johnathan and Mikey were in the kitchen, supposedly getting something for breakfast, and I was on the computer. Well, all of a sudden, crying. Yep, not even on a beautiful fall morning can we have peace in the house. So, I get up, go into the kitchen and there is Johnathan, in a fetal position on the floor. Well, if you're a guy, you know what that means. Kicked in the bing bongs. That's the technical term for testibles. (No, that's not a typo. When Johnathan was little, he asked me what those balls were moving around "down there". I told him those were his testicles and he pronounced it testibles.) So, I looked at Mikey and, of course, not looking guilty at all, said, "He tried to choke slam me!". So, I looked at Johnathan, who was still in a fetal position, crying on the floor. "He kicked me in the crotch!" he yelled. After which I proclaimed, "There will be no more wrestling in this house!!!!" Here comes dad, yep, Michael, faithful husband and father to the two in the kitchen, one on the floor and the other looking as guilty as the dog who just ransacked the trash can looking for the steak bone. Well, we all know how fathers can be. Clueless most of the time when it comes to disciplining children, at least mine anyway. He tries to explain to Johnathan in his most disciplinary voice why it is not a good idea to try and "choke slam" his brother. What came out of his mouth was not only a gross mispronunciation but so funny that there was no way he had any credibility as a disciplinarian. "Johnathan," he said, "don't do that to your brother! You could damage his esockufus!!" WHAT???? Now, my husband has mispronounced quite a few words in his time, but that one takes the cake. I believe the word you're looking for is esophagus, dear husband. We laughed until we cried. So, for all of you out there who have never taken an anatomy class, it's pronounced esokufus. Holy cow, somebody help me.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Holy Snot!!
Cool air, finally!! I've been waiting so long for fall weather, it has finally arrived. We had such a blistering hot summer this year. Not only was it hot, but dry as dust. We're in a drought here in NC. That's not great news for people who have well water. It hasn't run dry yet, so hopefully we're ok.
Preschool is going great. Each day that passes I become more fond of each child in my class. One thing I don't think I'll ever get used to is the unending, unstoppable rain of snot that happens this time of year. At least 5 out of our 17 have constantly runny noses. Now, being a mom, I know that this kind of thing happens. However, I can't sit in circle time and look out at some of these children and ignore the candle hanging out of their noses. Please, someone invent something that will remedy this problem. If you give the child benedryl, then they're groggy all day, or worse, hyped up all day. So, drugs aren't the solution. Maybe this time of year we can hang a trough over their necks to catch the snot that drips down before Ms. Lisa says, "Baby, go get a tissue and blow your nose, please. And don't forget to wash your hands!!" Then, we could collect the snot and maybe sell it to NASA or the CIA. Certainly it can be used for some kind of industrial lubricant, or germ warfare. I'm telling you, I've seen more snot in my days at the preschool than there are Baptists sipping tea at the lunch buffet on Sunday. (I say that with much affection. I married a Baptist!) But, this too shall pass. This is why I carry a bottle of hand sanitizer in my work apron, as well as a pack of tissues. And for heaven's sake, sneeze into your elbow. That way if anything comes out, it will come out on your elbow, not in my face, especially if it's green and slimy!! So, again, preschool is going well. I think my partner, Melodie has gotten used to me and the mess I make at craft time. Today we made rainbows out of fruit loops and, yep, what a mess to clean up. I have a feeling she'll be getting me back the next time she plans the craft. She's great to work with, and oh so quiet. That's why we're great partners. She's quiet and reserved, and so am I.
Ok, next......Still having issues with my muscle aches. My quad muscles, I believe they're my thigh muscles, give me the most pain. If I happen to squat or sit on the floor with the kids, it's extremely hard to get up. My hands are still swollen, but not as much. The hot flashes are more infrequent, but still there. I'm sleeping better at night which helps so very much. Still worn out in the afternoon when I get home. Oh, funny thing, almost passed out this afternoon as I was changing our calendar for tomorrow. Would've been funny to see what the other teachers would have done if I did actually faint. I've never fainted before, but came pretty close today. My hair is getting thicker by the day. It's pretty wavy in the back which is kinda cool. Maybe by Christmas I'll have a little bit of length on it. I go to see my plastic surgeon tomorrow to have my stitches removed. Hopefully he'll tell me all is well. I'm still a little uneven. Left side is higher than the right, but it's supposed to settle over the next several weeks. Then I'm off to Victoria's Secret! Can't wait to start wearing a normal bra instead of these binding sports bras. As Charity reminded me today, they make you look like you have a uniboob. She said I didn't, but usually they do.
Lori and I took the kids to the fair on Sunday after church. They had a blast, but let me tell ya, I've never seen more scraggly headed, no teeth, dirty feet wearing flip flop pedophiles in my life. And those were just the fair workers! Listen, I'm all for being comfy and casual, but for pity's sake, put your teeth in before you go to work!! And for all you moms out there with daughters, don't let your little girl walk around the fair by herself, or with her friends until she's 45. Seriously scary people. But, we're all God's children.
That's all for today my faithful followers. Thank you again for all your support. And remember, don't let your babies grow up to be carnies.
Preschool is going great. Each day that passes I become more fond of each child in my class. One thing I don't think I'll ever get used to is the unending, unstoppable rain of snot that happens this time of year. At least 5 out of our 17 have constantly runny noses. Now, being a mom, I know that this kind of thing happens. However, I can't sit in circle time and look out at some of these children and ignore the candle hanging out of their noses. Please, someone invent something that will remedy this problem. If you give the child benedryl, then they're groggy all day, or worse, hyped up all day. So, drugs aren't the solution. Maybe this time of year we can hang a trough over their necks to catch the snot that drips down before Ms. Lisa says, "Baby, go get a tissue and blow your nose, please. And don't forget to wash your hands!!" Then, we could collect the snot and maybe sell it to NASA or the CIA. Certainly it can be used for some kind of industrial lubricant, or germ warfare. I'm telling you, I've seen more snot in my days at the preschool than there are Baptists sipping tea at the lunch buffet on Sunday. (I say that with much affection. I married a Baptist!) But, this too shall pass. This is why I carry a bottle of hand sanitizer in my work apron, as well as a pack of tissues. And for heaven's sake, sneeze into your elbow. That way if anything comes out, it will come out on your elbow, not in my face, especially if it's green and slimy!! So, again, preschool is going well. I think my partner, Melodie has gotten used to me and the mess I make at craft time. Today we made rainbows out of fruit loops and, yep, what a mess to clean up. I have a feeling she'll be getting me back the next time she plans the craft. She's great to work with, and oh so quiet. That's why we're great partners. She's quiet and reserved, and so am I.
Ok, next......Still having issues with my muscle aches. My quad muscles, I believe they're my thigh muscles, give me the most pain. If I happen to squat or sit on the floor with the kids, it's extremely hard to get up. My hands are still swollen, but not as much. The hot flashes are more infrequent, but still there. I'm sleeping better at night which helps so very much. Still worn out in the afternoon when I get home. Oh, funny thing, almost passed out this afternoon as I was changing our calendar for tomorrow. Would've been funny to see what the other teachers would have done if I did actually faint. I've never fainted before, but came pretty close today. My hair is getting thicker by the day. It's pretty wavy in the back which is kinda cool. Maybe by Christmas I'll have a little bit of length on it. I go to see my plastic surgeon tomorrow to have my stitches removed. Hopefully he'll tell me all is well. I'm still a little uneven. Left side is higher than the right, but it's supposed to settle over the next several weeks. Then I'm off to Victoria's Secret! Can't wait to start wearing a normal bra instead of these binding sports bras. As Charity reminded me today, they make you look like you have a uniboob. She said I didn't, but usually they do.
Lori and I took the kids to the fair on Sunday after church. They had a blast, but let me tell ya, I've never seen more scraggly headed, no teeth, dirty feet wearing flip flop pedophiles in my life. And those were just the fair workers! Listen, I'm all for being comfy and casual, but for pity's sake, put your teeth in before you go to work!! And for all you moms out there with daughters, don't let your little girl walk around the fair by herself, or with her friends until she's 45. Seriously scary people. But, we're all God's children.
That's all for today my faithful followers. Thank you again for all your support. And remember, don't let your babies grow up to be carnies.
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